Well anyone who bet along with my predictions this past weekend lost quite a bit of money…but that’s not the reason you read this blog – right? You read it for the gut-busting, completely original, side-splitting humor that is indelibly tied to these paragraphs…right? Of course you do. Onto the picks.
New York Giants vs. GREEN BAY (-7)
Why do I feel like no matter which way I go on this game – I’ll be wrong? I’ve dogged on Eli twice, and he’s proven me wrong both times. But if I switch it up now and throw some confidence his way, I know he’ll let me down. So what’s the answer?
It’s going to be a high of seven degrees in Green Bay on Sunday – seven degrees! (Somebody remind Eli not to lick the goalpost). That bodes well for Favre and the Packers because they are pretty used to playing in those conditions, but not so much for the G-Men. And again, it’s Brett Favre, Lambeau Field, and a January playoff game – so that automatically puts me in favor of the Packers, which is where my loyalty will lie again this weekend.
I do not think this is going to be a blowout like last week’s game against Seattle. I do, however, think that Brett Favre will destroy, annihilate, obliterate, and scoff at the Giants secondary. They are dealing with some injuries back there, and the Pack should spread the field against them and make them try to cover four, or even five receivers at a time. You can expect Greg Jennings to have at least one TD catch, and I think Donald Driver returns to form this week and goes for 100 yards and a TD, too. The Packers defense can shut down the Giants’ run game, and their corners should be able to stick with Plaxico Burress and a resurgent Amani Toomer. Look for Green Bay to head south to Phoenix on the heels of a hard-fought victory in this one.
PICK: Green Bay 31 – New York 23
Fun Fact: When Michael Strahan recorded a sack during the 2006 season, he and his teammates pretended to take a jump-shot while saying “Ballin!” (originating from the Jim Jones rap video “We Fly High“). This team celebration was short-lived however, as officials then threatened to hit the team with a 15-Yard Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty should they continue as a group. So now, instead of celebrating as a group, they look like idiots individually. Much better.
San Diego vs. NEW ENGLAND (-14)
If you would have told me that by the Fourth Quarter of the Chargers/Colts game last weekend, Philip Rivers & LT would both be injured and on the sidelines, I would have bet my life savings on the Colts to win that game. Granted that’s only like $600 at this point, but hey – I would have bet it. Then if you would have reminded me that Billy Volek was the guy who had to come in and run the offense for the Bolts, I would have found someone to borrow money from – and then bet that money on the Colts to win.
But that is all in the rearview mirror now – and it’s time to focus on this week’s game. San Diego played very well last week in Indy – they surprised me on both sides of the ball. Rivers played very well while he was in the game, and their defense stifled the Colts offense when it counted (and even picked Manning off a couple times, which I said wouldn’t happen…wrong again). And where did Vincent Jackson come from? In the last two games, he has been a completely different receiver – and when he shows up, he takes a little of the burden off of the “bigger” names of the SD offense.
What else can we say about New England – they looked solid against a good Jags team, Brady completed like 99% of his passes or something sick like that, they’re the best football team of all time, yadda yadda yadda. They also manhandled the Chargers way back in Week 2 (the first game after Spygate), beating them 38-14 in New England. In that game they held LT to under 50 yards and picked Rivers off twice – but this time around, things will be different. Yes the Chargers are banged up (but all signs point to Rivers and LT playing at full speed, Gates is questionable), but the Pats have only covered the spread twice in their last nine games, and not once in the last four. It is clear to me (and everyone else on the planet) that the Pats are the best team in football right now, and probably the best team ever – but the fact is they are not beating teams with the same authority they were earlier in the season.
Oh – and does anyone remember the last playoff loss for the Chargers? It was January 2007, in San Diego, at the hands of the Patriots. After the Pats won that game, they got out on San Diego’s field and started mocking Shawne Merriman’s “Lights Out” dance – infuriating the Chargers, and lighting a fire inside of them that will come out on Sunday.
I’m going balls to the wall on this one (hey, I’ve got to try to save some face after last weekend’s O-fer) – my prediction is that Rivers and LT heal up enough to play well on Sunday, Gates gets a double-shot of cortisone in that toe, and the rest of the Chargers show up ready to take revenge on the team that knocked them out of the playoffs last year. Ladies and gentlemen – the San Diego Chargers will end the New England Patriots’ unbeaten streak! That’s right, I said it! Stay classy, San Diego!!
PICK: Chargers 31 – Patriots 28 (and both Bill Belichick’s and Norv Turner’s heads simultaneously explode as the game clock hits zero)
Fun Fact: During each Patriots game, 10 men dressed as ‘minutemen’ line the back of each end zone. When New England scores a touchdown or field goal, the militia behind the opposite end zone fires a round of blanks from antique muskets. After the PAT attempt, the men fire their guns to Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture. ESPN named this one of the top ten celebrations in the league in 2007. Tom Brady does a lot of things really well – but one thing he doesn’t do is shoot blanks. Giggity.
